Welcome to day 4 of "Psych Out" week.

At least it's formed into a proper theme?

The first three passionate weeks of showing up has caused barriers I didn't even know I had, to melt.

I'm flooded. I want to let it all out. I want the timeline to stream out of my lips until it can pull me into Now. Currently, I'm wound up in the middle of a knotted wad of history. For something melted to be wadded, it would have to be pretty dense!

It's how I feel!

I'm ready to step forward.

Tangled, showing up every day feels too slow and not enough.
Flow gets blocked.
Panic sets in the moment I connect my fingers to my voice, and attempt to place letter after letter into something coherent here.
This is the forward-stepping, psych-out dance.

***

Today, when I told my wise-beyond-her-years, and extremely intelligent, hair artist/stylist friend about my difficulties to move and progress here recently, she said, "Oh, ok, so you're sitting on your voice?"

I suddenly felt my voice squirm beneath me!
She is right!
In less than 5 minutes she could see and name it!

I've been depriving my voice of sleep, starving it of food, doing anything to keep up the dam.
Not necessarily purposefully, but because me and my muse, the Light, are at odds.
Or....ok fine, I'm at odds with my muse. My muse is just waiting for me to quit objecting to its help.

And what do my objections sound like? Fear. Shame. FEAR.

Even I can see my methods are backwards.
The sun just keeps shining away, whether I like it or not.

As if I ever could be in control.

Maybe I need to start writing my story from inside a cabin, away from everything, positioned so the light gets in. But with a marked and open path here for updates and connection. Write my soul through the dark canal to find my way back--to bring myself to the beginning of life, my dreams and vision, with Peace and Love.

To breathe.
To be like water instead of fighting it.

After yesterday's update everyone has seen where fighting the flood gets me.

But all hail, the captain lives!
Be like the flood! Flow!
Unstoppable!

The reality of my current experience with water might call for being more like Andy Dufresne in his escape from prison in the movie, Shawshank Redemption, ha! But, seriously!

***

In addition to near-death encounters in water, I've also been painting, thank the Lord!
Where the fight of my will ends, creative healing begins.

Earlier this week, my 4 year old daughter was looking at my last painting of a bird, titled "Shadow in Flight, Entering Light." Her response to it was that I should draw eggs!

I thought her take on it was cute, but gradually the truth and energy of her comment has been hitting me. And, I get the feeling the image of a nest is finding it's way forth!

I've been kept separate from my own life story for so long, and it's like every day I'm nesting for its pending birth.

No wonder I'm all intense and whacked out about things.

I cried during my last painting session. Another "something new!" in the studio!
It's not that I've never felt like crying when I'm making art before, but before I'd stop it cold.

Here's the latest on my most recent painting in process (click the image to view the process updates) The first and last image are where the painting stands at the time of this posting. It is still in process! :

It's been an extra busy couple head days on the trail, so...two songs to express my dedication to showing up with my heart! :) And because...singing and dancing! <3