I have to admit I've been dealing with a vulnerability hangover today, after yesterday's post.

I'm prepared for showing up being hard. But maybe not hard, you know?

It's important to keep reminding myself this is my vision of a good life, and what I'm choosing every day!

Preparation is a flimsy word that can save your life, but still not be what you want it to be in the moment. Preparation doesn't necessarily make surviving something dangerous or scary feel easier. Protecting your vulnerable insides, your feelings, is more complicated.
Dodge, deny or hide from a feeling that is unpleasant, and you're likely to lose them all.

Preparation doesn't save us from the feelings of almost drowning, even if we stay afloat.
Here's a confession: I have panic attacks when I get in the deep end of a pool during adult swimming lessons. I have some familiarity here.

But you have to give up the struggle.
Hold on to what's offering life, and let the rest go.
You can be good and saved, but the struggle to trust can kill you.

So I'm sticking with this super uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability, and working toward trusting sleep for tonight. Some amount of sleep deprivation is also probably playing into this feeling.

I need to master being psyched up without psyching myself out.

Gratefully, I was surprised with some Guatemalan Worry Dolls from my husband today! They couldn't have found their way to me at a better time! I'm a sucker for symbolism, tales and legends. Legend has it, when you place a worry doll under your pillow at night the dolls will take your worries/nightmares away.

I'm considering making my own version of worry dolls, in the future!
If I do, I'll be excited to share them with you! I'm thinking of using clay for the material!
It's right up my ally in the creative healing department!

About the hangover I have...I'm remembering now that even when it feels like you're going to puke your guts out and die, if you rehydrate, rest and take good care of yourself you can recover from a hangover in roughly 24 hours.

Tomorrow is a new day! Thank God!

One last thought before my head hits the pillow is this: Every little thing probably is gonna be alright, but every little thing is not my problem, task, or responsibility. The only thing I need to worry about is showing up, consistently, with an open heart.

Just keep showing up. Let the rest be the rest, right?