Title: The First Time I Felt Joy, I Thought I Might Drown In It.

24" x 24" on wood, Acrylic and Mixed Media

Ah, it's good to be back on the trail! I missed being here over the weekend, and it actually felt strange to not show up! It was a welcome feeling, as it was a helpful indicator that I'm headed in the right direction. Like licking your finger and holding it up to the wind.

I'm still getting my bearings about myself on this journey. But, come hell or high water, I'm showing up when I say I will!

Today was another painting day in the studio.

It's a challenge to put words to my paintings immediately after I paint them. The reason I paint in the first place is because I often don't have words for my experiences. Sometimes words or a narrative come later. Or, I can speak freely about what color I placed where, and why, but in an emotionally removed way.

This painting still has a lot of active layers, and still in process emotionally. A few hours after I was finished and photographed it, a pink tear "appeared" on the girl's face.

This painting speaks to the emotion of Joy feeling/being dangerous and scary when it is new. It is the experience of not being sure if you can handle it, or if it can be real, or belong to you.

Joy is a complex emotion for someone who has grown up and lived most of their life abused and traumatized.

It seems like a painting with "Joy" in it would be more upbeat, but that doesn't mean I won't still shout for joy! I count it a blessing to be anywhere in Joy's vicinity! However Joy wants to be is ok with me; happy, sad, or mixed-up and complex. Joy is brave, and can be any way she darn well pleases. ;)