This week's special focus is going to be Relaxing, if I have anything to do with it.

Stress does not do a body good, and I have been carrying on with a lot of it.
Most of us do.

 So why not share the love of letting it go? 


***

It has been a struggle to keep up with the physical pain I've been experiencing.

It is hard to let go of what I want to do and what my body wants from me.  
My body demands rest and sleep, while I want to ramp things up.

So I have to do the best I can.
My best is my best.

My best has never felt good enough.

So, I'm face to face with myself, and deep feelings that have ultimately led to...
Disorder
Struggle
Pain
Face to face with what it's felt like to carry my life around as if it's one big failure.

My life is  not a failure, and neither am I!
Life is a metamorphosis.  

***

What is "good enough" for me?  
Who determines what is best for me?
Is there any absolute definition of "Best" anywhere?

Maybe this week I will explore limits, boundaries and listening to what's best for myself.

Enough with the critics, inside and out. 
Enough with the rules of never being satisfied.
Enough with never being Enough.

My Best is not lacking just because I am not perfect.  
This is what doing the work of life looks like!  
I am here to show you it's not always clean and pretty,  and it doesn't matter!
I can be depended upon to not quit when things are hard, and then show you the messiness of hard.

I'm showing you in real-time it's possible to keep going, and love what you're doing, even when it seems like you have a fatal flaw.

The people I'm looking to connect with will see that I'm doing my best, giving my all, and that I also will not bullshit them with the idea that I'm a proponent of self-care and healing...and then hide that I am in need of it.  

I am a mother, a wife, an artist, a person who cares about the people doing their best every day.

And whether I like it or not, I'm am recovering from a lifetime of trauma.

There might be days I don't write, but you can be certain I am still showing up in those hours you don't see me.  
Those are likely the hours I am showing up the most.

I'm letting you see the process of Not Giving Up.  
 

Figuring out the shape of my life, matters.
Maybe we are butterflies.  Butterflies are potentials.
Butterflies aren't born as butterflies.
When my body asks to be taken better care of, and I respond, that is putting in the work, just as much as staying awake for 20 hours straight to get a daily post up is putting in the work.

Sometimes showing up means not keeping up appearances of something that's trying to change into something else. 

That "something else" I am working to change into is...healthy!
This journey is morphing along with me.

 I will be here to share the journey, every day, to the best of my ability...
And my ability is what I will continue to focus on.

On day 41, or 52 or 76, or 304, I'M HERE.  And you're going to know I was here all along, every time you see me because you're going to see I'm changing and transforming.

We are capable of walking this trail in a way that feeds our souls.
In my heart, I believe it is this moment that gets you from here to there.  
It's not the easy times that grow you, or show what you are made of.

I have to remind myself this is a journey, and allow it to be that.
I am not a product.
But I am making something of myself on this walk.