What a week!

I feel like I'm making strides in healing, I can't even put words to!

The only thing I can definitively say about this is that while pain is able to sneak into the tiniest hidden cracks of any landscape or human form, so is Love.

This week I've taken on a completely different approach to my daily existence.
But it's one of those things that feels like it's taken 5 years to reach.
These things happen overnight...over the course of an extended (Verrrrry extended, in my case,) but unknown, amount of time.

It is the daily "showing up."

My showing up doesn't always register here in the trail updates yet.
I'm not always here, able to tell about it.

I think this is because the movements and shifts are so subtle.
Like a person who is almost dead, but when you check, still has a pulse.
It's not like that alive person is going to jump up and do the Tango.
It can take days and days and days of what looks like nothing.

Then...they move a muscle.
First, a twitch.
Then, a movement from one joint of a finger.
A flutter across the eyelids.
The wetness of a tear out of the corner of a still-closed eye.

Then, Light!

Still, no Foxtrot.

The process of coming back to life takes time.
It can't be rushed. But the needed effort toward goals can't be ignored, either.

There's a fragile, delicate balance amidst hardy resilience.
You should know every day I'm here, I'm REALLY here!

Recovery is a beautiful thing.
It's like the new "Brutiful" word that's going around. Brutal + Beautiful.
I don't know who started it, but I've seen it on posts from Glennon Doyle Melton, using it to refer to life. Urban Dictionary says it was coined by underground Death Metal/Comedy band, Masked Penguin Slaughters.

Maybe Glennon is in the Death Metal scene? Or the Death Metal scene is all up into Glennon?

Pick your inspirational preference and go with it. (Oh, the life of a researcher, at heart!)
I don't know who came up with it first, and it doesn't really matter, but I like it!

And, it fits.

So now, it's my word.
Which is to say...
It's OUR word.
Do not be afraid.

Looking forward to tomorrow.