"Nobody wants to hear about your pain."

It hasn't been spoken to me, but it doesn't mean it isn't the truth.
Likewise, it doesn't mean it is the truth.

I'm usually so busy running, distracting, and hiding from my own pain, I haven't taken time to explore how lonely experiencing chronic pain makes me feel.

Loneliness hurts the most.

But it gets tricky because when I'm in pain I'm drawn toward isolation.

Intense, unrelenting pain is messy.
I rather deny it, myself.

I don't want to talk about it!

How about let's have it just not be there.

That worked for a while.
In the sense that it made me exceptionally dysfunctional.
Almost killed me a few times.

Hmm. Yeah, but it worked.

Oh pain, silly pain.

Eventually, it's its own person. Or animal.

Nobody likes pain.

So, care can happen without responding to pain's presence.

It's like when you put the dog outside or in another room when people come to visit.

Or, a pet who has come down with rabies.

On a farm.

In the middle of nowhere.

.....Bang..... ........

You know, you're gonna get through it.

It turns out it's not rabies.

It's not the end.

Sometimes it's pain, whispering in your ears that no one cares, and tries
to inspire you not to care, yourself.

Pain doesn't like itself.

It wants you to make it go away.

It's been treated so badly.
It doesn't know what to do with itself.

It can find small places you'd think it could never fit into.
Like a spider when it knows you've spotted it, and sees you're holding a shoe.
"Motherfucker!"
Oh sorry, excuse me.
Sometimes it comes out of nowhere.

Just a lunatic, red-faced, obsessively scanning the room, while holding a shoe in the air.

Waiting.......

But, eventually goes to bed, never finding the 8-legged creature. Never able to rest.

Jumping when the sheet lightly brushes your arm.

Pain, crawling all over you.
Into the middle of your soul.

Point to it. Is it here...here...here?

No. No.

Nowhere.

(Using this song doesn't mean I'm promoting it. It just means I understand it. What I DO promote, is telling about it in whatever safe way you can.)